Leave it up to ninja actor Jean-Claude Van Damme to completely destroy your dreams of ever becoming a successful gymnast. Not like you ever had those dreams anyway. This is no ordinary Volvo ...

"I've had my ups and downs, my fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds," Van Dammes' voiceover begins, Enya's "Only Time" playing in the background. "That's what made me what I am today. Now I stand ...